The Mirena Crash

My best friend was just here and I treated her like dirt, worse than dirt really. I have been cranky with Mariah all morning, everything she has been doing is driving me crazy. Almost like it is imposition to actually have to take care my own daughter. Nothing is exciting me, even knowing the kids are going to have a nice Christmas does nothing to raise my spirits. I have felt like going to bed and staying there for as long as it is humanly possible. I was going to call my boss today and tell her I quit. Why would I quit a job I love? Because I don't feel like going. I have been thinking I am going crazy, losing my mind. I have been avoiding people and not wanting to talk to anybody. Hiding from the world. IMO, my crankiness is on the edge of abuse. No I haven't laid a hand on my children, perhaps I don't trust myself. I wish everybody would leave me alone or I could disappear into an abyss.

After the lastest episode of being very mean to my best friend I realized I had to do something so of course I did the thing I have did well for the last day and a half and cried my eyes out. The funny thing is that this crying just started in the last 36 hours. I have always wore my heart on my sleeve but in the last month I have not really cared about anything or cried about anything. After I quit sobbing but not crying I re-examined my last month. I know I LOVE my kids and normally enjoy them. I know that my animals outside are my friends and not normally a CHORE. I know that the greatest joy I used to have was providing my family with a nice welcoming clean house and ENJOYED taking of them. So WTH?

After really examing my feelings and thoughts, which have bordered anywhere from depression to suidical at times, I realized that the only thing in my life that has changed was having my IUD removed. I have had two over the last six years but finally convinced myself and Dale that the last one had to come out as I has having major side effects with it. My boobs ached every day for the eight weeks before they removed it, to the point of not wanting to hug my kids or pick up Emmy. Pain relievers didn't touch the pain. When I went in for removal it was coming out on its own. I felt pregnant two weeks after removal which was pretty much impossible and five, yes five, pregnancy tests told me I wasn't.

I haven't had a monthly cycle in six years and am wondering if that is part of this. I been researching this and the after effects of Mirena and pretty sure that this is what is going on. From what I have been reading it seems to me that they are many women with major side effects and many doctors who think we are all crazy. So for now I will just try to remember that this too will pass.