I am so antsy....

that if it is not driving everybody around me crazy - it is me. I have all of these ambitions and the reality is that none of them is happening like the way I want. I have a perfect day planned in my mind when I stop to imagine my day but the reality is that nobody else seems to want to cooperate with my way of thinking. I would like to get up at 6 and get some basic household chores out of the way before the children awake. The reality with that is I can't go to sleep at night, so I finally fall asleep at 2 in the morning. Then when the alarm goes off I want to throw it out the window. The day starts in a whirlwind to get Emilee to school, get the basic morning household chores done and the farm animals taken care of. Then the dreaded schoolwork starts and by golly, if Josh is cooperating Mariah is having a hissy fit and whining fest and if Mariah is working Josh is in the world of attitude. I don't know how many times I would have loved to jump on top of one of the school chairs and yell, "I QUIT, GO BACK TO PUBLIC SCHOOL!" I will not allow for this to happen this year as I think they are truly better off doing what we are doing. I thought this stay at home mommy business would be wonderful, I was so excited, but the truth is it is the hardest job I have ever done. I feel lost, out of sync with my own life, confused and yet right where God wants me.